Being Manipulated

How Do You Know When You Are Being Manipulated?

I believe that we have a 6th sense for detecting manipulation. Manipulation is seldom in our best interest and we tend to react to the peril by feeling uncomfortable or anxious. We know something is not as it should be, but it may take a few minutes of concentration to understand.

There is a difference between persuasion and its black sheep step-brother manipulation. For example, if you are a died- in-the-wool Democrat and I am a devoted Republican and we have the poor taste and regrettable judgment to "discuss" our political philosophies, we are quite aware that the intent is to persuade. We probably won't accomplish that lofty goal, but we are both aware of the intent.

However, when one manipulates the purpose is to deceive, befuddle, evade, confuse, seduce or entice -- to take advantage. If the manipulator was frank he would simply ask for whatever he wants. It is quite easy to say,

Dad I want to borrow the car tonight to hit new speed records and hangout with unsavory, probably criminal buddies.

The drawback to this simple explanation is-- he will not get the car—then or ever. Now, if son (or daughter) were to say to dad,

I would like to borrow the car to visit my poor, elderly teacher who broke his leg, ah, both legs, and is all alone and cannot crawl to his medicine -- it is, ah, downstairs -- yeah, that's right -- downstairs.

Now, let's consider the two statements. The first has the advantage of being straightforward and painfully factual. The second has the advantage of perhaps achieving its aim -- get the car -- especially if dad is dead tired or addled.

Warning--this is a hint -- if someone wants something from you and the bargain is flagrantly one sided, or something he or she is dying to achieve -- they may use manipulation in lieu of honesty. If Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad invites Benjamin Netanyahu to dinner and the theater, Benjamin might want to deliberate -- long and hard. If a suggestion is outrageous or too good to be true -- alarm, alarm, alarm. Remember that, I am not always there to sound the alarm.

When the hair stands up on the back of your neck, when your left eye starts twitching uncontrollably, when your heart goes THUMP, THUMP, THUMP -- hold on to the car keys, your wallet and your knickers. Your genetic security system is trying to warn you that a manipulator is on the loose. Please pay attention... OK?

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