Are You Ready to Move on to a New Relationship?
The best question is, "Are you ready to move on-- at all?" One of the most important considerations when you first take weary steps toward a new relationship is, Is your heart free to love again? It isn't easy to overcome the searing pain of a lost love. Most of us have been there at some point in our life journey and we desperately hope we never go there again.
Remember, love is a mind altering drug just as potent, probably more so, than opium or marijuana. The chemicals (i.e., serotonin) will eventually begin to weaken and become virtually inert and leave your body much as it was before the emotional devastation began. In the meantime, you are left to pick up the tiny fragments of your existence and move forward one determined step at a time. You will rebuild your life -- that I can promise you without misgivings.
Ok, you have done your "heartsick" homework. You have confided in your friends, you have shed gallons of tears, you have listened to hours of sappy love songs and you have analyzed every moment of your tattered relationship. Are you ready to sing, I Will Survive (Gloria Gaynor)? Let's take the quiz and see.
Has Your Heart Healed?
1. How often do everyday situations and places remind you of former love?
b. Many times a day
c. Not more than once a week, I really am moving on…really
d. Never, thank you Gloria
2. When you are reminded of "him or her" how hard does the emotional bus hit you?
a. Knee buckling—bad
b. I see a few stars
c. Moderately, I have to catch my breath—but I am fine, really
d. I can't remember his name
3. Do you have a plan to recapture your former sweetie again?
a. Yes, it is quite and it is as detailed as the battle plan for Normandy
b. No, I didn't have him in mind when I bought that killer "hotfit" (though it is his favorite color)
c. Only when I dream
d. Heart's desire? Not even close, Buster…
4. Do you go out of your way in an attempt to "accidently" bump into him?
a. His location is on my GPS
b. If I just happen to be in proximity, that doesn't mean I am shadowing him.
c. I see him all the time—but it is never him
d. You must be kidding, I am much too busy
5. Is his contact information still on your computer and in your address book?
a. Everything, e-mails, telephone at work, home phone, cell phone, his mom's house…
b. I don't seem to be able to destroy everything, yet
c. No, his information is imprinted on my brain—but I don't need it, really
d. I deleted everything I had a long time ago. Why do you ask?
6. A few weeks after the final blow up I was…
a. Eating fudge and trying not to dwell on him/her (fat chance)
b. Spending more time with my friends, hoping to see him
c. I am fine…I AM!
d. Meeting lots of new people and so enjoying my life
7. Your love has turned to anger and you want to hurt him.
a. I am too busy trying to smile through quivering lips.
b. Yes, I am a little angry and I am telling everyone
c. I am darn anger, but try to ignore it (what comes around goes around)
d. Hurt him? Why would I care?
8. You heard that your ex is dating one of your friends.
a. I am devastated
b. I will call her now—what a sorry, witch…!
c. I couldn't care less. (I will poison her espresso.)
d. I so hope they are having fun—I am.
9. When you think about your lost love, what do you remember most?
a. Every tiny detail
b. His (or her) warm, loving smile
c. My memory is tragically poor (yeah, right)
d. The good times, I have a few special memories that make me smile.
10. You just received a surprise e-mail from you ex asking how you are doing. What would you say in your reply?
a. I am miserable and I miss you—can't you see we are meant for each other?
b. You have your nerve-- writing to me—then I type another 600 words
c. I am doing just wonderfully fine—everyone knows that…clench jaw
d. I am having a great life—hope you are too—got to go now.
Count the number of a, b, c and d answers you chose.
More "a" answers
You are still carrying burdensome emotional baggage. He or she is still very much a part of your life. It is possible that your break-up was recent and you have not had time to gain emotional and intellectual distance-- and heal. If your relationship ended months (or even years) ago then you may want to ease back into your group and begin to recover your groove. By the way, you can get the emotionally restorative song, I Will Survive, on-line. For now, pull up your boot straps; tighten your belt and sing out strong and clear. Just wait, before long you will toss your battered, emotional baggage in the closest dumpster. Way to go!
More "b" answers
You are getting there. You have given up much of your idealization and gone on to "what a jerk or jerkette." Your anger is snaking warily around the edges of your conscious. Congratulate yourself for passing the first dead-romance hurdle and zooming toward the finish line. Hang on to your angry edge, it will energize you. It takes time to process the hurt and fully understand that he or she was not nearly good enough for you—just ask your mom. Keep going, square those shoulders, one foot in front of the other—there you go! YES!
More "c" answers
You are in the river valley called denial. You are traveling away and up; it is OK to be sad at times. Accept the sadness when it comes, then let it go. This is exactly where you should be at this moment as you bound back to life. Your new motto is, "I am so totally a fabulous catch" -- and you are beginning to believe it. Sweet!
More "d" answers
Wow! What a woman! You are over the failed romance and it is no longer an issue. You have to sit down and concentrate to remember your ex's name. There is not stopping you now. You have paid your dues.
I Will Survive by Gloria Gaynor
It took all the strength I had
not to fall apart
kept trying hard to mend
the pieces of my broken heart
and I spent oh so many nights
just feeling sorry for myself
I used to cry
Now I hold my head up high
and you see me
I'm not that chained up little person
still in love with you
and so you felt like dropping in
and just expect me to be free
now I'm saving all my loving
for someone who's loving me
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